Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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