Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
