i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
