why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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