dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
