Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
