ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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