We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
