Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
