Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
