i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
