the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
