I molested 6 butterflies tonight
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
