He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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