ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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