Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
