i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
