So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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