You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
