The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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