i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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