Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
