oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How external is "for external use only"?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
