My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
