I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
there is puke in my bra ... again
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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