I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
