I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
