I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
