If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
