9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
