I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
