I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
