I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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