STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
