Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
