eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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