The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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