The maid of honor just puked.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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