I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
