my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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