I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
