I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
