Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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