Even water is tasting like jack daniels
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
