Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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