I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
