come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
