I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
