it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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