Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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