That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
