The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
